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Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

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Maybe the book wouldn't be so interesting to others who are already are more self-aware than I am, but I liked learning to be more honest with myself. Those who pin happiness and peace to other people or circumstances will struggle to resolve the chasm between their thoughts and reality.

When you've had some kind of trauma, there's often a question of what you could've done to prevent it. It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality. The idea that "he shouldn't be dishonest" can be turned around to "I shouldn't be dishonest" and become a great opportunity to ponder my own personal commitment to honesty.

For nearly a decade she spiraled down into paranoia, rage, self-loathing, and constant thoughts of suicide; for the last two years she was often unable to leave her bedroom. Like developing an exercise regimen, working through Katie's four questions is a difficult discipline when you start, but it becomes a natural part of your routine if you are committed to The Work.

There were some disturbing "blame the victim" implications toward the end of the book when Byron Katie applied The Work to situations involving abuse, incest, rape, etc.

Likewise, it asks you to accept the past as it was, because that's the only way it can be -- you can't change it, only the way you relive it in your mind. I won the free coaching session with him in the group's raffle, at the end of which, my mind was blown again. There are certain needs within us that are trying to be expressed, though we may not know how else to express them but to have a judgment or resistance to something or someone. When the victim turns around and says other people had described the abuse, the author just claims that nothing is for certain. Can definitely see how this book can help people, but I think it was a little scatter-brained in a few parts.

The dialogues follow a predictable pattern and if mapped onto, say, a rape victim, would end with the rape victim "turning it around" and concluding things such as "I hate myself for being raped" or if you really bungle the "turn-around": "I raped myself. I understand the questions might work for some people in some situations but when it comes to whether or not these 4 questions are the answers to every problem for every person, everywhere, me and Byron Katie certainly differ.Not asking you to drop that thought, just simply can you see a reason to drop this lie that argued with reality?

At best, this is a gross oversimplification of real problems people face with solutions founded in anecdotal evidence and contradictory principles. In response to this question, the inquirer is asked to make a specific and comprehensive list of how the thought makes him feel. After writing down everything you feel about a painful situation, relationship or feeling in your life, the first question demands a reality check.

When a person recognizes every stressful feeling is being propped up by an untrue thought, he or she can commit to exposing that untruth and replacing it with reality. Soon afterward people started seeking her out and asking how they could find the freedom that they saw in her. You will observe people work their way through a broad range of human problems, learning freedom through the very thoughts that had caused their suffering—thoughts such as “my husband betrayed me” or “my mother doesn’t love me enough. Whereas, what Katie seems to be suggesting is a judgment of the judgment and trying to resolve it by the mere realization that it seems to be causing us stress or may not be true from another perspective. It's also completely inappropriate to ask a woman to identify what "her part" was in the sexual abuse her stepfather committed on her when she was nine years old.

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